My granddaughter and I were playing in the basement. Her games and mine are vastly different. Chloe plays games that model life, so she likes playing life. I like playing fiction. In her games, we do stuff she watches adults actually do like go to the store, clean the house, play a board game, etc. In my games we fight dragons and bad guys. Don’t judge me, I’m a guy. And I’m old.
On this day Chloe wanted to play store. I was the cashier. She had a play shopping cart and browsed the toys in the basement before making her purchases. Then she came to my counter. I pretended to scan the items and accept her credit card for payment. She got in her plastic car and drove fifteen feet away where she lived. Afterward I said, “Now what do you want to play?” She said, “Let’s play store again.”
I was bored.
Me: “Okay, but this time, let’s add something.”
Chloe: “Like what?”
Me: “Like, let’s have a robber come in the store…”
Chloe: “No!” (She interrupted.) “No robbers.”
Me: “Okay, then let me add some potential purchases to your shopping list.”
Chloe: “Like what?”
Me: “Well, like these guns or these handcuffs.” (Lifting plastic toys left over from a violent era gone-by.)
Chloe: “Nope. No guns or handcuffs, Papa.” (Firm and with a bit of attitude.)
Me: “But Chloe, something exciting needs to happen!”
Chloe: “No Papa, we’re shopping. That’s exciting enough.”
(And with that she pretended to continue shopping our basement. A few moments later…)
Chloe: “Oh, look, some Play-Doh. That will be exciting.”
Me: “Whatever.”
(She came to check-out.)
Me: “Did you find everything okay?”
Chloe: “Yes, thank you.”
Me: “Would you like to buy some guns or handcuffs in case bad guys try to carjack you?”
Chloe: (Smiling and rolling her eyes.) “No Papa, we’re in your basement. No one is going to carjack me. I don’t even know what that is.” (Handing me her pretend payment card.)
Me: (Frowning and sighing) “Hmmmmmmmmm…”
Chloe: “What’s wrong?”
Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m going to need to see some ID.”
Chloe: “What’s ID?”
Me: “ID stands for ‘identification.’ Like a Driver’s License.”
Chloe: “I don’t have one.”
Me: “Well then, I guess you’ll have to pay cash.”
Chloe: “I don’t have any cash.”
Me: “Sorry missy, no cash, no groceries.” (Pure satisfaction. Shaking my head and removing her items from the counter.)
Chloe: “Wait a minute.” (She ran over to her little desk and began to scribble on paper with a crayon and then returned proudly laying the papers in front of me.)
Me: “What’s this?”
Chloe: (With pride.) “It’s cash.”
Me: (Standing and holding the paper up to the light.) “Wait a minute!” (Pulling my plastic squirt gun from behind my back.) “Freeze, lady, you’re under arrest. Put your hands behind your back.”
Chloe: (Rolling her eyes again. Note: I get that a lot!!!) “What for?”
Me: (Snapping the plastic handcuffs in place) “Forgery, Ma’am. It’s a felony.”
Chloe: (Matter of factly, as I lead her off to jail with her hands behind her back.) “I am never shopping in this store again.”
Boy, do I love my granddaughter. #goodruleforlifechloe #andalittlechildshallleadthem
Moral of the Story: If people are looking for drama they will dig until they find it or create their own. It might be time to shop in a new store.
